Discovering Me.

Like nearly everyone else, this summer, I did a summer program at Berkeley. I could not imagine how much I would possibly learn from the ten days that I was there. The most valuable things that I learned were lessons that I was not anticipating. Overall, NSLC is about leadership and teaching students to have leadership, and for my session, it was learning leadership in the medical field. Learning about how to take initiative and charge when it comes to doing what is best for the patient.
We had lectures on medical ethics, forensics, and toxicology. We partook in medical simulations with our patients, who would prove to be the most difficult patients that we could possibly encounter, and still within those ten days, we managed to squeeze in trips to UCSF, the J.D. Gladstone Institute, and even a fun trip to Pier 39.
The first day proved to be a challenge as I felt homesick. I know I live 10 minutes away and could have call home anytime and could have seen them anytime I wanted. My dad literally works a 5 minute drive from my dorm. Regardless, the feeling of not being home bugged me, but it turned out to be first day jitters from being surrounded by so many people that I didn't know. At CCS, I am constantly surrounded by people that I am familiar with, and this was just a change of pace.
After leaving my family, I went to my dorm to settle in, and I chatted with my roommate. To define her as the complete opposite of me is the understatement of the year. I thought in my head, there is no way that I will be able to coexist with her because she is so different, ethically, morally, emotionally. She was just different. Then I talked to her that first night, and we managed to hit it off.
Then I met my TA group. We were all so different, but we learned to work together and become like a family. We bickered like family and worried like family when members were late. They came from states all over the world, and talking to them felt like exploring a new world because of how much they differ from California. I just felt so sheltered.
Surprisingly, my biggest lesson came from my leadership workshops and not the medical meetings. I learned about how leadership isn't about always taking charge, it is about finding the best solution to each problem. It isn't about winning, it is about listening and discussing. It is about trying and reaching. That may sound cheesy, but it really is.
Leadership is about trying something new and stepping out of your comfort zone. The entire week and a half was about just that. Our games challenged us to step out of our comfort zone. Even the shyest people stepped out of their comfort zones during our Ride the Donkey game. When the TAs suggested the game and said that it would be embarrassing, I became wrought with fear to the possibility of embarrassing myself in front of strangers. As I soon came to realize, it was more fun to actually try than to sit out. The game required riding an imaginary donkey, and then dancing to the beat of "FRONT FRONT FRONT, FRONT BABY; BACK BACK BACK, BACK BABY; SIDE SIDE SIDE, SIDE BABY" with a stranger.
All the activities made me realize more than ever that there are so many people that will not always have the same beliefs, style, or personality as me, but I can still get a long with every single person. There is never an instance where I can't. I just need to find it if I don't see it. I also learned about stepping out of my boundaries because I can never be a leader if I stay within my comfort zone.
A leader tries, even if they may fail because every failure builds a stronger leader.

It's the End Yet Again.

So it marks another last day of school. Yet, I feel no different. I do not feel older. I do no feel more mature. I do not feel like top dog in high school. I do not feel excited. It just seems like everything just is. Like it is just happening all too fast.
I'm sure I felt like this last year too. I just can't imagine life without high school. Gossiping about the latest couple. Fighting with your friends. Arguing about petty things. Being cliquey even though we all want to get rid of cliques. Where else can you do all that? Well, I guess you can do that when you are older, but it just doesn't seem right.
Maybe there is something about Senior year that I will discover next year. Maybe it is just as exciting and thrilling as everybody makes it seem. Maybe I will only appreciate it in a year when I write the exact same post about how an era in our lives has ended. Maybe I won't be as dramatic.
I guess we will just have to appreciate the moment because after next year I won't even have another high school year to reminisce about.

I'm the Richest Man on Earth

NOT! I am probably the furthest thing from the richest man on Earth, but during these economic times where everyone cringes at the thought of the stock market falling just a few more points and shudders at the thought of their retirement fund, I have been wondering, what does it feel like to be the richest man or Earth, or at least to rank in the top 10?
What does it feel like to be Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, the Rockefellers, or the Vanderbilts? Even Donald Trump will do. Just to live life for a day where money is not an issue and where my last name will reap benefits that no average person has ever amassed sounds good to me. That just seems absolutely delightful. I would like to walk into a room with a last name that will turn heads. Then again, do I really want everything to come so easily? A part of me says yes, but another part of me would want to work for what I earn.
So returning to my original point, how would it feel to not have to worry about money during these economic times? Bill Gates and Warren Buffet both have millions if not billions in their bank accounts and a net worth of more than I will ever make in my lifetime. In my head, I just don't see what you can do with all that money, but I know that they have both worked hard to build their wealth. Anywho, of course both men have not been immune to the recession, and Gates even faces the possibility of having layoffs at Microsoft. Yeah, his Microsoft stock may dip a bit, but when it all comes down to it at the end of the day, he still has millions in his bank account. Yes, I know that losing a few million dollars in the span of a few days is a lot, and is quite frankly enough to make my head spin, but I would just want to know how it feels to not have that worry about money.
It isn't that I feel bitter or jealous that they have more money than I do, even though they do, but it is that I wonder about their feeling of security. How does it feel to know that regardless of how the economy twists and turns, you will still be financially secure?
On another note, how good would it make you feel to know you are the richest man on the planet? As selfish as it might sound, I know that it would make me feel good.

An Era of Change

Today was the Inauguration of Barack Obama, and I have to say that today just feels so positive. Maybe it is because it is history in the making, maybe it is because he is the new president, but it just felt so different. Bush has been president for exactly 50% of my life, so I can't really remember anyone else as president. Even though I am not criticizing the last president, I am saying that there are a lot of problems out there, and America has a long recovery ahead of her, but it seems like, today, everyone was willing to come together and just celebrate. There was no economy, there was no war, there was no animosity. It was just a good feeling that America has not felt in a long time and I think it was long overdue.
The word hope and change seems like it has been overused in more ways that one, but I can't help but feel hopeful for some type of change. It seems like America is looking up for once in a long time, and I can't help but smile.

Where Has the Time Gone?

So today officially marks the first day of 2009. Time for new beginnings and new resolutions. It seems like every year everyone strives to make a fresh start and be a better person, and I am one of those people. However, I never seem to follow through on my resolutions. Oh well, at least I will have resolutions for 2010.
It is strange. It is 2009. Everytime I hear that, I feel so old. This year, we are turning 17, we are taking SATs, and next year, WE ARE GRADUATING. We always say to ourselves that we are still lightyears away from graduation, but that isn't true anymore. Soon we are all going to be going our separate ways for college. Doesn't that just sound so scary? It seems like 2008 just whized right by, and it still feels like 2008.
Is it me, or is time passing by very quickly?

Long Time No See.

I really can't remember that last time that I could sit down and not think about school or anything revolving about it. School is just consuming our lives so much right now that I think it is pure madness. It is insane. I remember hearing the older grades complain about how AP Bio was death, and they were not kidding. It is KILLER. This past week was crazy, and we haven't even begun to prepare for AP exam stuff yet. Just that one class consumes nearly my whole day.
On another note, November 4th is just around the corner. Maybe it was because I was a lot younger and didn't really understand politics, but I swear when I was younger, there was not as much hype as there is in this election. Then again, I thought the Olympics were like nothing 4 years ago. There seems to be so much going on in this election, and there is so much media attention on everything. The SNL parodies, huge celebrity endorsements, and the whole 'Rock the Vote' campaign. In a way, I personally think those celebrity endorsements for a certain candidate is a bad thing. Media has this way of swaying a crowd to do anything, and it doesn't really cause a person to think about who they are voting for and why. Some people would just vote for a person because their favorite celebrity is voting for them.
Also, there is the Prop 8 situation. I mean seriously, I never thought that America would have to come to this decision. I know that many people want gay rights legalized, but aren't they forgetting that America was built on Christian principles. Now they want to change the constitution and expand the definition of marriage? Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to protect your own rights. And I am not against suppressing the rights of gays/lesbians, but I think the fact that Prop 8 even has to be proposed is just wrong. Seriously, what has America come to? Like Mrs. Carlson said in class, I respect however they want to live and whatever they want to do, and they can have a domestic partnership that is recognized by the law, but it cannot be qualified as a "marriage". I think that is a sacred term that only applies to a man and woman, and it should definitely not be changed.
I am really afraid as to what is going to happen if Prop 8 is voted against. There seems to be so much media that says that saying yes on Prop 8 is wrong, and that influences so much of America. I am so afraid of the United States falling apart because we have proven ourselves to be very unstable right now. I think if people don't vote yes on Prop 8, it really will signify the beginning of the end for the United States. That may sound so dramatic, but if people vote no on Prop 8, who know what kind of laws they are going to want to change later on.

Time To Do It All Over Again.

So summer ended this week and school started. This summer I fretted about how terrible the school year was going to be and how it was going to be stressful, but it has surpassed my expectations so far. Seeing everyone back at school again and seeing friends between classes is what makes it truly feel like school again. The strange thing is that it feels like we never left school. It feels like we just went on Spring Break and are finally coming back to school. Maybe it is because this year, teachers do not spend the entire first week going into logistics and procedures, they just go over it briefly and dive right into learning. In a way, it is nice that we do not have to go through that dreaded first week of school feeling and making that terrible adjustment from summer to school. I am kinda excited to see what this school year will bring and what will happen, but I am also terrified to see what will come this year. All the standardized tests and maintaining good grades for college is just too overwhelming to think about.

Summer Work.

It really seems like this summer has gone by so fast. Usually, I get so bored during the summer and it feels so dreadfully long, but this year is quite the opposite. Maybe it is just the cooler weather that makes me feel like it is not as dreadfully long.
As summer draws closer to an end, I have been doing my summer work and it isn't quite so fun. It just reminds me more and more about next year and how not fun it is going to be. I honestly do not think that summer work and I get along so well. Ever since the first day that I started it, I have been encountering so many problems. When I wanted to do my Mandarin assignments, my internet just would not connect, then when I tried again later, I found that ants had completely invaded my computer area and I had to go take care of that. Then when I wanted to work on my English assignments, the computer would not let me open my columns. Then today, when I wanted to open my file that I had written, it would not let me because it was that the file was corrupt. Finally when I got it open and turned the printer on, the printer said that I was out of ink. I swear this is like a sign telling me that I should not be doing summer work and should just enjoy the rest of the summer, or I could just be encountering a long string of bad luck.

Those Days.

So recently, I have been home a lot, which means I am trying to find something to do that will entertain me. In the process, I started to look up old music videos that I haven't seen in ages. I got the idea when I saw a really old Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey video. It was from like when midriffs were really popular. Watching these old videos just brings back so many memories with the boys bands and just coming home everyday and watching CMC on TV. I wish music like that was still really popular because I find it so much more enjoyable than so of the music I hear today. Don't you ever wish you could just go back to those times?
These are just a couple that brings back so many memories:
Willa Ford - I Wanna Be Bad
Celine Dion - It's All Coming Back to Me Now
Britney Spears - Lucky

Favorite Blog.

When I am bored, I like to link around on different blogs to find one that piques my interest. While looking around a while ago, I found this blog by Karen Bosnak. I love her posts and would love my blogs to be like hers. Even if she really doesn't have much to say, her posts are always funny or informative, but never boring.
So I was reading her blog today and saw the funniest/cutest post ever. I thought I would share it because it makes me laugh ever time I see the picture. Not only is it funny, but I like the fact that the dogs' names are Gracie and Ruby, like the two daughters from According to Jim. Maybe I am the only one that finds that remotely funny, but I assure you that the picture of the dogs will make you giggle.

Bandaids.

Ever have that feeling where you know that you have to do something, but you put off doing it until the very last minute because it is going to be something hard to do? That sounds a bit confusing. It is kinda like ripping off a bandaid. It is going to hurt, but it will have to happen eventually. That is what makes it so much harder to do. It is better to get it over with, but the momentary pain does not really seem to be worth it when you think about it.

Change? No thanks.

This blog has become more sporadic than daily, but hopefully this summer, I will start blogging daily again.
So yesterday was the last day of school. Ever year at the first day of school, I agonize over the dreadful months to come of school and can only dream of the last day of school where I will be free to sleep in and lounge at home until my heart's content. However, I feel quite differently at the end of the school year. I only wish to go back to that first day of school and appreciate the school year to come, but that never happens. I do not think that I have gone a school year without saying, 'this is the worst week of my life' or 'this is the worst day of my life'. Thinking back on some of those weeks and days, they truly were not that bad. Some weeks deserved that saying more than others, but maybe it was just us being dramatic when we felt stressed.
So sophomore year is over and I still cannot believe it. It felt like yesterday that the scorching hot heat on the first day of school was killing us and all we wanted was to crawl back into bed. It felt like just yesterday when formal was all we could talk about and who was going with who. This school year zoomed right by, and I never expected it to be over so quickly. I do not really know how I would sum up this school year.
Maybe it is just me, but I think change is one of the worst things EVER. That sounds really dramatic. haha. Honestly, I have hated change ever since I was little. Even when I knew it was for the better, I never like to make changes. For instance, taking new classes next year. I have had, and still am, struggling over the decision to take APUSH or AP Chinese. I wish someone would make me take the classes without me choosing, because if I make the mistake of taking the class that is going to overwhelm me, who do I have to blame besides me. It is so much easier for me to say, 'gosh, why did the school have to put me in this class', rather than saying, 'gosh, why did I choose this class'.
Yesterday was the the strangest last day of school I have had. I wish people had not left early. I had fun with Danny and Athena playing with cups and rings. We wanted to originally turn off the lights and play hide-and-seek, but we thought that might be a little bit too dangerous. It did not feel like the last day of school. No one was sad, no one cried, and it was not hot. Even though those are the worst components that make up the last day of school, they are what actually make it feel like the last day of school. Maybe it is because we know we are gonna see each other in a couple days when we head for New York, so maybe we will feel sad when we come back and it truly hits us how long it will be when we see each other again.
I cannot believe that next year we are going to be juniors. We seem to be getting so old, so fast. Sometimes I wish I could just freeze time in order to savor the moment.

Finally.

After months of dreading May 9, it is finally over. I do not think that I have ever felt so accomplished before. I was so jittery and nervous before the test, but when it was finally over and we were dismissed, I don't think I have ever seen a happier and relieved group of students. However, I cannot believe that we have finished our first AP class. I remember thinking in middle school that I had all the time in the world to slack off before things get real for college, but I'm starting to realize that there really is no more time to slack off. Everything we do now in school really does matter.
The really strange thing is that I have dreaded Euro for more than three-quarters of the school year, but recently when I started to review, I realized how interesting history really is. I never imagined that I would every say that after AP Euro. But looking at history in perspective, seeing how all the events before the French Revolution led to a bloody revolution and how all the countries in Europe manage to engage themselves in World War I is pretty fascinating stuff. Hopefully, sitting through what we thought were hours of dreadful lecture and nearly pulling out all of our hair the night before the exam paid off. I guess we will find out in July.

Time.

Lately, I have been realizing how important time is. Sometimes, it seems like I have so much, but then it is all gone before I know it. There are so many times that I wish I just had more, like 24 hours in one day is just not enough. Even though I am just 15 years old, I feel like I am already so old. This year felt like it zoomed right past me, and it is just crazy that the school year is almost over. It really did feel like yesterday that we were complaining about how long the school year felt, and now when it is almost over, I am realizing that it was not long at all, in fact, it was quite short.

My Passion.

hmm...Blogger has kinda died after Spring Break. Maybe it was just a phase, or maybe we are just too busy. I wish I had more time to blog, but it seems like school is just eating up all of my time. Actually, I think I am just wasting it all.

The other day, Melissa and I were talking about our passion. We both want to do something that will make a difference, but it is kinda hard because who will actually listen or trust teenagers to try to make a change. Or, it could just be the excuse that teenagers use because they do not want try to make a difference. So, I am wondering what I could possibly do. Melissa said how she wanted to stop abortion, but that, along with many others, are such touchy subjects that we would probably never even be allowed to work with those topics. But, I want to do something that focuses on a social issue.
Off the top of my head:

• Getting involved at an elderly home. There is one literally down the street from my house, but I don't know if they accept volunteers.
• Working with other teens that are going through personal issues such as depression or eating disorders.
• Working with pregnant teens that have nowhere else to go, like their parents have kicked them out of the house, and helping them realize that they do have more options than they think they have.
  

I really want to find this passion at least before the end of summer. Actually, I want to find this passion by the beginning of summer, that way, I can try to do something in the summer that relates to it.

Great Depression II?

Does anyone find this kinda scary?

It may be depressing to think about, but it is pretty true. After just learning and reading about the Great Depression in AP Euro and learning about the effects that it had on the United States economy, it really scares me that we could be on the verge of a sequel very soon. I never want to think that our economy could enter a crisis like this, but it is very likely. I wish that I could pretend like these types of problems did not exist, and that they would go away, but it doesn't work that way.

Procrastination.

No matter what I am doing, I always manage to get distracted. This whole spring break I kept telling myself that I would work on my research paper and that I had all the time in world, but now it is Sunday night and I barely have an outline done. I mean, it isn't due tomorrow or anything, but I really wish that I would have more than what I have done. I also told myself that I would study, but that has not gone so well either. I don't know why I get distracted so easily when I have to work on these types of projects. Maybe it is the fact that I would rather be doing something fun than working on the project. I have even tried forcing myself to work, but that ends with me just staring at a book without taking in any of the content. I have all these stacks books lying open in front of me as a reminder to work, but right now they are serving more the purpose of a wall than information for a research paper.

Journaling.

Lately, I have been hearing a lot about diaries and journals from Melissa and Jasmine. Jasmine said that she recently began to look back on her old diary entries and was pretty amused with the entries. It made me go back and look at my old ones as well, and I can't believe that I used to be that person. It seems like a whole lifetime ago when I wrote that and it so weird to see how much I have changed since then. I used to journal quite often, but it was something I started doing less and less and eventually all together stopped for awhile. However, looking back on these entries, I hope that I will be able to find a little bit of time each day to start journaling again so that a couple years from now, I can look back at these entries and get a good laugh out of them.
~Rosanna

Spring Break.

Spring Break has been pretty relaxing and fun. I don't want it to end and have to start school again. The most I probably did was go to Jasmine's house on Wednesday. We just ate party mix, sun chips, and oreos. I had so many oreos that I can't even look at them anymore.
I was pretty skeptical when Jasmine told me that having a blog would be pretty fun, but she was right. I actually kinda like it.
~Rosanna

New Blog.

I have never really been a blog-type of person, but Jasmine got me to create one. Hopefully, I will be able to use this to keep track of all the fun moments and experiences that I have.
~ Rosanna